


Billige Räusche

by blacklipstick



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Character Interpretation, Bars and Pubs, Bottom Hatake Kakashi, Drinking, Drunk Sex, I frankenstein my canon as I please, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Kakashi may or may not have a little drinking problem, Kakashi's mask is important, Light Angst, M/M, One Night Stands, Present Tense, Right before the formation of Team 7, Timeline What Timeline, dont ask me why I don't know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:41:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26635291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blacklipstick/pseuds/blacklipstick
Summary: Billige RäuscheHartes VerlangenSo viele Jahre sind vergangenCheap BuzzHard DesiresSo many years have passed.A dark, shabby bar paired with cheap liquor and it always ends the same way. Sometimes they talk about everything and nothing at once, sometimes they don't. They always meet at the same place, at the same time and Kakashi already smells like alcohol by the time they get there.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Kudos: 15





	Billige Räusche

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hello, hello!
> 
> Welcome to my very first Kakairu fanfic, this was a bit of an experiment with style and inspired by a german song my dad sang in the car a few weeks ago. I'm basically throwing canon out of the window here but hey, who needs canon anyway?
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy!

Billige Räusche / Cheap Buzz  
Hartes Verlangen / Hard Desires  
So viele Jahre sind vergangen / So many years have passed 

This is a horrible idea, Iruka thinks to himself as he sways the glass in his hand. It feels cold in his fingers and his eyes follow the movements of the clear liquid in it. Or at least he tries to, it's gotten harder and harder to focus even though he's pretty sure he's only had a few drinks that night. He blinks a few times, trying to keep his vision from blurring. Iruka doesn't even know what's in the glass, Kakashi has ordered it for him and the only thing he does know is that it's too strong for his liking and that he wants to leave already. Unlike his company for tonight, he's pretty much a lightweight so he decides that this will be the last drink he'll have. He's drunk enough and he really doesn't enjoy the feeling of being numb or losing control much. 

This is a horrible idea, he thinks to himself again because tomorrow will be hard and he'll have to teach at the academy again at what feels like the buttcrack of dawn. And Iruka loves teaching, he loves his students but they can be very much a pain in the ass, especially when he's trying to emotionally and physically recover from a night out with Kakashi. And that's why he shouldn't be here, why he should never be here but whenever Kakashi asks for his company, he finds himself unable to decline. 

Tomorrow is a big day for one class in particular and he'd just hate to be half asleep with a killer headache during it. The teacher shrugs, perhaps it's too late to prevent that from happening. He's lost his feeling for time by now and he doesn't know how late it is or how long they've been sitting there in this dark, shabby shithole. Perhaps the big day is today already. No matter what time it happens to be right now, he should be sober for the most part by the time the sun rises over Konoha again. But then again, so should Kakashi - at least in theory - but the silver haired shinobi doesn't seem to be bothered by his upcoming new responsibilities at all. 

At the very least he seems to be unbothered on the outside but something feels off tonight even though Iruka can't quite pinpoint what it is exactly. Kakashi isn't his normal self, he talks more than he usually does even on his good days, downs drink after drink with a quick tug at his mask as if his life depends on it. Nowadays Kakashi usually keeps up a good, even level of buzzed but tonight he seems to be on a quest to get completely and absolutely wrecked to a point where Iruka is seriously considering to stop him. A thing he normally doesn't do, personal issues have no place in whatever it is that they have. 

The copy-nin is extremely fast and skilled when it comes to hiding his face. After all he's been doing it for many years and Iruka only barely manages to get a few glimpses of the face beneath the mask. Maybe it's the alcohol in his system that makes it even harder to follow the quick movements, maybe Kakashi is just that good. Maybe it's a combination of both. Iruka's eyes are practically glued to Kakashi. He watches him talk, takes in every movement beneath the mask and he wonders what it would be like to feel those lips on his own right now. He watches Kakashi wave his hands around to make a point about whatever it is that he's talking about now and Iruka can't help but crave the feeling of those very same hands on his body. He's only half listening, nodding every so often to make it seem like he's paying attention but Kakashi is just going on about some missions and how annoyed he is about his teammates and the fact that they made him go in teams in the first place. It's not really important, most likely he's just talking to get his mind off something. 

Iruka wants him. Wants him to stop talking and take him home already and he's honestly beginning to think that Kakashi has had enough as well. The other shinobi uses his hands to talk more, sways in his seat a little as he goes on and on about how useless his teammates apparently were. The teacher absently throws his head back and downs the rest of his drink, he coughs and it burns all the way down till he feels the familiar warmth in his stomach. Apparently Kakashi thinks it's hilarious and stops his story. He chuckles as he places his hand on Iruka's thigh. Iruka ignores it for now, doesn't even dare to look down even though he does feel the heat slowly rising to his face. 

It's always the same, it has been like this for so many years that it almost feels like a lifetime to Iruka. They were young when it first started out, much younger than now and even more stupid. So they meet at this lousy excuse for a bar every so often and they drink. Sometimes they talk about everything and nothing at once, sometimes they don't and Kakashi already smells like alcohol by the time they get there. It's not an awful bar in and of itself but it's old and pretty run down. But despite that it's still frequented by a few lonely souls, not many though and sometimes Iruka finds himself wondering how it's still open. The place is dark, the paint on the old wooden furniture is chapped and it smells like dust and a time long gone. But the prices are incredible, it's a cheap buzz as Kakashi likes to call it and most importantly: It's not a designated shinobi bar which makes the two of them the only ones usually. 

And it's not like they're trying to hide, not at all but he's very much glad they don't get any extra attention either. Kakashi is used to people whispering about him and it seems that over the years he's managed to shut himself off well enough for it to hardly affect him anymore. He distanced himself, hides away behind a piece of fabric because in Konoha rumors spread like wildfire and there are enough of them about the infamous copy-nin as it is already. Iruka is well aware of the names they still call the silver haired shinobi and every time he hears one of them he wants to smack whoever said it, he wants to scream at them to stop but he never does. He doesn't know why it even bothers him so much, Kakashi has grown pretty much numb to the venomous words some have reserved for him but it still makes Iruka mad. 

No matter how the night begins, it always ends the same way. After they're fed up with the bar, they inevitably find themselves on Iruka's bed, clinging to each other as if what they have means anything at all. Which it doesn't he reminds himself over and over again. It can't mean anything, not after such a long time and perhaps it's better this way. If it meant anything, it would hurt in the end, more than it does now. He hardly believes that things are going to change, even though Genma insists he'll just have to try harder but Iruka doesn't care anymore. He has tried and he's tired of it, all he wants is Kakashi, Kakashi, Kakashi no matter how he gets him. Even if it's just one night at a time. 

"Can you believe he did that?" Kakashi suddenly asks and violently rips Iruka out of his thoughts. The other man's voice is clearly offended even if it feels a little bit fake and over the top, just for the sake of being offended. 

Only then does Iruka realize that he stopped listening completely a while ago, that he'd gotten consumed in his own thoughts and the sight of Kakashi's lips moving beneath the mask. But not only that, he's been staring and he's fairly certain that Kakashi noticed as well. He blinks a few times and rests his elbow on the counter. "Huh?"

Kakashi rolls his visible eye and lets out a theatrical sigh. "You weren't listening, were you?" he asks, his voice slightly slurred. 

"I... no. I'm sorry." Iruka admits and to his annoyance blushes a little. He looks away and curses himself because he's not a young teenager with a crush anymore. He's a grown man, a shinobi and yet he gets flustered so very easily around Kakashi. "I got distracted." 

"By what?" Kakashi grins and slides his hand up Iruka's thigh ever so slightly. 

Iruka raises an eyebrow. "Oh I don't know. Some silver haired annoying idiot who doesn't know his limits." he replies with a satisfied grin and his gaze slowly wanders towards the hand that's slowly but surely travelling into more and more dangerous territory. "He's awfully bold too." 

"I'm sure he knows his limits perfectly fine." Kakashi snaps and Iruka isn't quite sure if he's serious or not. He laughs anyway because that's what the other man has taken offence to, not being called annoying or an idiot. 

When he stops laughing, he turns his head to look at that beautiful face he would just love to kiss right now. "As long as I don't have to hold said silver hair as said idiot revisits dinner." 

The teacher can clearly see Kakashi's mouth open beneath the mask, so very obviously annoyed that he would bring up such a thing now. "I'm sure said incident only happened one time." Kakashi tells him and furrows his brows. "Besides, the drinks must have been stronger than usual."

Iruka could have said something, could have insisted that they were not and that he was just being an idiot that day. But he drops it because the line between jokes and being serious is very thin when it comes to that topic in particular and he really doesn't want to kill the mood. Especially not with Kakashi's hand slowly sliding down his thigh which takes his breath away anyway. He feels warm all over and the heat rises to his cheeks once more but not only there. He hastily reaches down and lifts Kakashi's hand, placing it on the counter instead. Kakashi lets him. "Stop it, will you?" 

"No, You're cute when you're embarrassed." Kakashi tells him innocently. The silver haired shinobi reaches for Iruka's face and turns it to look at him faster than the teacher can resist. He doesn't even get to question it because suddenly there's fabric covered lips gently brushing against his and his face gets even redder. From one moment to another, he feels as if everyone in the bar is suddenly staring at them, their eyes burning into him and he's much more uncomfortable than he should be by now. 

And it's really not like relationships between men are unusual. The opposite actually, it's more frequent among the military forces than one might think but that doesn't make it any less taboo. Sometimes you get lonely, sometimes you just need someone who can understand your struggles better than any normal citizen could. Gender doesn't really matter for many then as long as the nights aren't so horrifyingly lonely and cold anymore. He knows for a fact it doesn't matter for Kakashi while Iruka has always preferred the company of men anyway even if it did take him a while to accept that. 

The Hokage tolerates it for the most part, he knows even if he were to forbid it, not much would change and there are things that are plain and simply none of his business. As long as everyone carries out their duty, he doesn't really care anyway. What matters is that the shinobi work, fight and if necessary die for the leaf. But even then it's not something to show off in public. Especially not because they aren't even together, which people know. Especially not because Kakashi is known to sleep around and Iruka's reputation as a teacher is on the line. The Hokage may ignore his preferences but not all parents do and it would absolutely crush him if he had to quit because of something as silly as loving Ka- no, he stops his train of thought right there. He doesn't love him, he can't. 

And suddenly Kakashi's hand is where it was before and Iruka gasps when he feels the warmth of it on his thigh. "We should go." he mutters finally, partly because he wants to escape the stares and partly because he's more than tired of Kakashi's teasing. And if Kakashi keeps downing drinks like this, Iruka's joke from earlier will become reality after all. He wonders what's wrong. "I have to get up in a few hours and if I may remind you, so should you." 

"You're killing all the fun." Kakashi whines but agrees anyway. He hastily downs the last of his drink while Iruka pays. 

The teacher always pays but it usually includes some playful banter and teasing from Kakashi to get him to actually do it. Iruka doesn't mind paying at all, he expects to do it by now but he likes that little game they play. This night, however, Kakashi gets up wordlessly and laughs when he initially has to hold onto the bar stool for support till he's used to the standing position he finds himself in. It's strange, something is definitely off tonight. 

After some money is left on the counter, Iruka places an arm around Kakashi as they hastily walk out of the bar together, trying to look much more sober than they are. He could swear that there's still people looking but soon they're finally alone and he takes a deep breath as the door falls shut behind them. Fresh, cold night air fills his lungs and suddenly it's as if he feels the alcohol in his system more than he has before. The world around him starts to spin briefly but he closes his eyes for a second till the nausea passes for the most part. It's a beautiful night, the moon is bright and when he gazes at the night sky there's not a single cloud to be seen. But at the moment he couldn't care less, all he can think about is the man in his arms who is at least twice as stunning. 

They stand there, outside the crappy bar for a little longer, arm in arm while Kakashi stares up at the very many bright lights and Iruka stares at his face. Iruka doesn't protest, he lets him because his feet feel so awfully heavy and he doesn't exactly feel like walking right now. "I have to admit walking home seems like too much of an effort." he says after a while and Kakashi turns his head as if he's just been ripped out of some thoughts and the magic of the moment is broken. "But if we stand here a little longer I can't guarantee anything. May I remind you about the academy." And it's still a horrible idea, why did he come here on a work day yet again?

"Sleep is overrated." Kakashi shrugs. 

"It may be for you but I don't want my eyebags to get eyebags."

"But you totally find my eyebags sexy." The copy-nin replies dead serious but begins walking in direction of Iruka's. They always go to his place and he doesn't even ask anymore even though he's not entirely sure why that is. Kakashi is a very private person, perhaps he just wants a place on his own. Something that belongs just to him and nobody else. In theory Iruka knows where Kakashi lives but practically he doesn't think he'll ever go there with him anyway. 

He laughs. "Maybe."

Once they reach Iruka's house, he's struggling to unlock the door more than he would like to admit and Kakashi's chuckles next to him aren't helping either. He manages to open it at last and once they are inside, they fall into a well known routine. Like old gears working together, as if it's always been this way. It certainly feels like it has. He closes the door and only moments later Kakashi is pushed against it because Iruka knows he likes it that way, likes to hand over charge for once and Iruka likes to take it.

And he lets out a laugh when Kakashi begins to fumble with the zipper of Iruka's flak jacket. The older man's fingers are shaky, uncoordinated from the alcohol and he once again remembers that Kakashi has had much more than him. As usual. But he doesn't have the energy to voice any concerns right now. Iruka takes a hold of the other man's gloved hands, feeling the worn leather on his fingertips and begins to help him open the jacket at last. He slides it down hastily, it hits the floor and he quickly opens up Kakashi's jacket as well. The other mumbles something resembling a thank you but he doesn't waste any more time and soon rough fingers find their way under Iruka's shirt, hungrily tracing his torso. 

Iruka takes the hint and the shirt soon joins the jacket on the ground. He barely has the chance to kick off his shoes before Kakashi pulls him closer, pressing against him and burying his face in the crook of Iruka's neck. The teacher feels the soft fabric of Kakashi's mask on his bare skin and for a moment they just stand there holding onto each other till Iruka places a soft kiss on the other shinobi's temple and all he gets in return is a faint bite. It's then that Kakashi slightly loses his balance and leans back against the door, Iruka being the only thing keeping him in an upright position and lets out a single laugh. 

"You're pretty drunk." Iruka notes and kisses Kakashi's temple again. "Do you think you can-"

"Oh fuck off, I'm doing just fine." Kakashi cuts him off and grinds against him to drive his point home, making Iruka gasp in the process. Cheeky. 

"This is a horrible idea." Iruka says aloud this time. 

"It is." Kakashi agrees in almost a bored manner and brings some distance between them so he can slide off his own jacket as well. "It has been for years." he adds as his hand travels down Iruka's torso again and begins palming him through his pants. The warm touch sends shivers through the teacher's spine and he exhales sharply, desperate for more. 

He bucks his hips forward. "Unlike you I don't jump right into every horrible idea I come across."

"Oh please." Kakashi is still leaning against the door with his back when he removes his hand and instead wraps his arms around Iruka, pulling him close again with his hands coming to rest on his ass. "As if you don't enjoy it." And it's true. He does enjoy it, more than he should, more than he ever enjoyed being with anybody else. Most of the time it isn't even particularly good sex. It's sloppy and messy and fueled by cheap alcohol but it's Kakashi. That alone makes it different. 

He frees himself from Kakashi's grip and takes a step back to take a hold of Kakashi's hands in order to tug at them till he's standing upright again. Iruka then pretty much drags him towards the bed. Kakashi doesn't protest, doesn't fight it and once he finds himself in the bedroom, he lets himself fall back onto the bed and Iruka notices he forgot to take off his shoes. 

"Too many clothes." Iruka observes as he stares down on his lover, his voice is barely slurred but he can't deny that he's definitely feeling the alcohol in his system. 

"Undress me then." Kakashi says innocently and Iruka could swear that there's a shit eating grin beneath the mask but in all honesty it's too dark to tell. He rolls his eyes. 

"Lazy bastard." he shoots right back but doesn't waste any time to begin undressing him anyway. Iruka starts at the shoes, takes them off one by one, then the bandages follow and so the process begins. He takes away the infamous copy-nin piece by piece till only the man beneath is left. Just Kakashi Hatake. And Kakashi doesn't even attempt to help, maybe he finds it funny, maybe he somehow figured out Iruka likes doing it, finds some strange intimacy in the act. Or maybe he's just that lazy, Iruka still has a hard time telling with Kakashi sometimes. Especially on days like these, where something just seems very much off. 

Only when Iruka opens up the pants, Kakashi lifts his head and releases his beautiful messy hair but his left eye remains closed for the time being. Iruka climbs onto the bed then, sitting on Kakashi's lap and looking down on him. He eyes the shirt Kakashi is still wearing with distaste and Kakashi begins to take it off immediately. Iruka helps, of course, like he has done so many times and hopefully will so many times more. That day the mask is separate from the shirt, almost as if he knew they were going to have sex that night. A solution they came up pretty early.

Idiot, Iruka thinks to himself, of course Kakashi knew. They always do, it always ends the same way no matter what the intentions are to begin with. Iruka takes in the sight of Kakashi's naked torso. He has memorized Kakashi's body by heart, he knows every scar, every detail, every spot where he needs to touch the other man just right so he gets the loveliest noises in return. Sometimes Kakashi comes home with new scars, he mentally takes note of them immediately, traces them so he never forgets. Kakashi looks thinner than he used to and Iruka wonders if he's eating enough these days but he keeps it to himself. It is, quite frankly, none of his business and this is not what they are here for. Personal problems are taboo. The teacher wants to scold him, wants to tell him that sake, ration bars and the occasional miso soup are not a sufficient diet, especially not for a shinobi like Kakashi but he knows better than to do that. 

A shinobi's purpose is to work, to be functional enough to be of use for the leaf. And Kakashi is. 

And other than that, Kakashi is incredibly stubborn, just like Iruka himself is, so he pushes the worry far in the back of his mind where it belongs. Iruka shifts in his position, rolls his hips and Kakashi lets out a sharp breath. Oh how he wants to kiss him, wants to taste him, to feel those soft lips on his own. A privilege not many have which makes him want it more. Iruka leans forward and gently caresses Kakashi's face, only stopping where the soft fabric of his mask begins. 

"Is this okay?" Iruka asks and slides one finger beneath the mask to pull it down if he's allowed to. He knows better than to just do it, has learned the hard way that the mask isn't just a piece of fabric but a boundary he isn't allowed to cross. He doesn't fully understand it but he doesn't need to either, what matters is that it's important for his lover, that the silver haired shinobi needs the security of hiding behind it sometimes. He never once questioned it. 

"Yes." Kakashi nodds and closes his eyes as Iruka slowly slides it down, revealing those very lips he's been craving. "Thank you." he adds barely audibly after a few moments but Iruka leans in and cuts him off with a kiss. There's nothing to thank him for, he's just being a decent human being, making sure the man he cares so much about is comfortable. Kakashi still tastes undoubtedly like himself, the taste of the alcohol still lingering but it merges with Kakashi's taste a lot these days anyway. 

"You're annoyingly beautiful." Iruka says when he finally needs air again. "How am I supposed to function knowing what's behind the mask?" If only it wasn't so dark. Iruka has seen Kakashi's face numerous times but never in proper lighting. He's seen it at the gloomy bar when the other shinobi quickly pulls his mask down to sip on his drink or in his bedroom when they share messy kisses in the dark. Iruka would do anything to admire this very face properly, taking in every detail slowly but he knows that his chances are low when it comes to that particular wish of his. Because by the time the morning comes around, he's alone again and when he sees Kakashi the next time, the mask, the trusty safety net, is up and protecting him from the burning looks others throw at him. 

Kakashi rolls his eyes, clearly pretending he doesn't care about the compliment he just received but Iruka is very much aware that he does. "Stop flattering me and let's get to the point." Kakashi lifts his hips, reaches up to pull the teacher into a kiss again and then uses his free hand to cup Iruka through his pants. "Didn't you complain about having to get up in a few hours?"

"Oh..." Iruka doesn't want to think about the academy, not right now when he's about to have drunk sex with none other than Kakashi Hatake like he has countless times before. He shakes his head lightly and puts all his focus on the man beneath him again, he grins. "Maybe you're just impatient?"

"Well observed." Kakashi tells him and licks his lips. He bucks his hips up again and at this point it's too much for Iruka as well. Iruka doesn't want to wait much longer now and he still feels Kakashi's warm hand, grinds against it with a soft moan. But it's not nearly enough, he craves the feeling of skin against skin, he wants to feel Kakashi, touch him everywhere and sadly both of their pants are still preventing that from happening. Of course he hates to break the contact, he really does but he leans forward and attempts to kick off his annoying pants, only for them to get stuck on his leg. Kakashi laughs when Iruka loses his balance and collapses on him. But when he finally manages to remove his pants, he rolls off Kakashi to grab some lube from the nightstand. 

Meanwhile Kakashi pushes down his own pants and patiently waits for his lover to return. Kakashi is fast, as usual and when Iruka turns to look at him again, Kakashi lies there, fully naked besides the mask that is now pushed down to his throat. He's a stunning man, tall and athletic if more on the thinner side now. His silver mane is sprawled out in all directions and Iruka just wants to grip it tightly, tug at it hard just the way Kakashi likes it. Just the way he needs to for Kakashi to lose himself in pleasure. The silver haired shinobi is dragging a hand down himself, a delicious sight and the teacher stares at him till he manages to get a hold of himself. For a moment he wonders why Kakashi has no partner looking this fine but then he remembers. Remembers how hard it is to get close and how much harder it is to stay close once the other man realizes he let himself care. 

And he sits up and makes his way over to the foot of the bed where he gets himself in a kneeling position and carefully coats his fingers. Kakashi gives him a lazy smile and spreads his legs further to grant better access. He goes slowly, gently, despite knowing that the other man likes it rough and fast but Iruka feels like Kakashi needs some extra love tonight. Kakashi whines, demands more but his words sound half hearted, Iruka smiles to himself and only when Kakashi's complaints and pleads to hurry truly get to him, only when he himself can barely contain himself, he puts Kakashi's legs on his shoulders and positions himself. He gives in, takes Kakashi right then and there, grants them the feeling they both crave so much. 

One of Kakashi's hands is resting against Iruka's torso, the other is gripping the sheets. Iruka on the other hand looks down on his lover, one hand on the bed to hold himself up, the other all tangled up in a beautiful mess of silver hair. He rolls his hips and grips the hair more tightly, pulling at it and letting go in a steady rhythm and Kakashi makes the most delicious sounds in return. Soft moans fill the room, pleading for him to go faster, harder but Iruka maintains his steady rhythm for now. 

They've done this countless times, yet he still finds it delightful to have a man like Kakashi at his mercy, to have a man like Kakashi trust him like this. A kind of intimacy that is more than special and there's something so wonderfully familiar about it by now. The teacher and the copy-nin, all of Konoha seems to know in one way or another. It's an open secret why else would the two of them meet up at the lousiest of bars only to drink themselves silly and disappear together at some point. Gossip spreads around fast in the village, especially gossip about Kakashi and Iruka hates it more than he would like to admit. But despite all the time that has passed, they never move forward in their relationship at all. It's always the same and he accepts it by now. He accepts that the childish crush he carried into his early adulthood will never be anything but that in the end. That whatever it is they have is nothing but foolish desires fueled by cheap liquor. 

"You know I used to think you were the one." A simple statement, a mistake but it slips out faster than he can think and Suddenly Kakashi freezes. One dark eye is looking up at him, wide and for a moment he thinks he spots a trace of confusion. It seems like he's gone too far because Kakashi remains still and doesn't say a word. He just stares. Iruka, of course, stops too and closes his eyes in frustration at himself. He rubs his eyes and when he opens them again, the view he enjoyed just moments ago is gone again, covered by familiar dark fabric. And he curses himself even more then, the walls he had so carefully worked on tearing down being rebuilt in the blink of an eyelid. 

"Do... do you want to stop?" the teacher asks quietly. 

"No." Kakashi shakes his head. "No, please don't." And a few moments later he adds. "I'm sorry." 

"Don't be." Iruka whispers and bends down to grace Kakashi's skin with kisses, picking up his movements again. They move together hastily now, fast and sloppy, desperate for each other. Desperate for somebody, really. He doesn't last much longer, comes with one last thrust and those damn words he would never dare to say out loud on his lips but they never leave them. He mentally calls himself an idiot again, this is still a horrible idea and both of them are bound for disappointment on the long run. Kakashi follows just seconds after with a moan. 

I love you, he wants to say. I will always be there for you. I love you so damn much it hurts Hatake Kakashi. "I like horrible ideas." he says instead and collapses on top of the other man. 

"You don't." Kakashi replies, still catching his breath and his tone almost suggests that he knows what Iruka actually wants to say. "You tend to avoid them at all cost." 

Iruka raises his head, a small smile on his face and suddenly he feels a little more shy than he used to. A few seconds pass before he speaks up, as he looks at the masked shinobi under him. "Well, I like this horrible idea." And suddenly his whole body feels heavy and he really doesn't want to move. He knows when he moves it will be over and they'll go to sleep and when he wakes up again, he'll be alone once more. Yet he rolls off his lover, still breathing hard. Iruka hates the stickiness between them and drags himself out of his bed, hastily cleaning up the mess as well as he can with a cloth already by the bed. A shower will be needed in the morning but he can't be bothered right now. 

It's way too late and it's dark and he's so damn exhausted, still feeling his senses blur slightly from the drinks. 

"Sorry about earlier." he suddenly hears Kakashi say, which is nothing he has expected at all. Kakashi rarely, if ever, apologizes. It's one of the walls he built around himself over the years, the one that helps him pretend he doesn't care all that much but Iruka knows better than that. He knows better than to fall for his tricks. He wonders what's wrong that night. 

"I already told you not to be." Iruka says and flops back on the bed once he's done. He's on his back now, staring at the ceiling, wondering why Kakashi hasn't left yet. 

"Just don't say I'm the one." 

The teacher fails to notice how serious Kakashi is at first and chuckles. "Well, I did say I used to think you were." He did, he really did think so when it all started so many years ago. Some romanticized idea of playing the hero had planted itself in his young mind, he really did think he'd be different. Not like the others but by now he knows that's not an idea rooted in reality at all. 

"I mean it, bad things happen to people who get too close to me." And that's when he realizes that this might be the first time, the first time in all those years together that Kakashi talks to him. Properly. It's a chance he has to take, because that's when his teacher instinct kicks in. Iruka has lost people too, he's seen awful things like everyone who decides to dedicate their life to the Leaf has but unlike the silver haired shinobi next to him, he's managed to channel his feelings into something good for the most part. Kakashi on the other hand had gotten himself deeper and deeper into the dark spider web that is Konoha's military system. It doesn't let you go and he can't even begin to imagine what it's like being part of Anbu, especially at that age. He's heard stories but he's not quite sure he believes them, that's not the Kakashi he knows. Sure, the older shinobi is a mess but he's no cold-blooded killer. He shivers, maybe. 

"I'm a teacher, Kakashi." he says drily. Iruka loves what he does, he loves helping kids and his life finally having a purpose not ridden by death and destruction but it's not exactly a dangerous thing. "I'm not the one who jumps head first into mission after mission." he adds a little bitterly. Kakashi is an idiot, an idiot who never knows his limits or at the very least ignores them completely. An idiot who's too stubborn to ask for help. 

"I'm not the one who pretends to find the solution to all his problems at the bottom of a bottle." he says a little quieter when Kakashi remains fully silent. The man next to him exhales sharply and buries his face in his hands, he's struck a nerve. He feels Kakashi shift next to him, sitting up. Great, he thinks to himself, he's ruined it, scared Kakashi off again and soon he'll be gone only for their little game to start all over again. 

But this time Iruka sits up as well and wraps himself around Kakashi, holds him tightly and rests his head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry. Stay?" He knows it's wishful thinking but after a moment he feels Kakashi relax in his arms. 

"The new team." Kakashi finally says. For a moment Iruka is confused but then he remembers that it's time for students to graduate from the academy again. Quite frankly, he'll miss his students but he always does. Kakashi is always acting strange when the Hokage assigns him a new team because it goes so very much against the core of his philosophy. Don't get attached. Not that he ever passed a team anyway though. Iruka suspects it sparks memories he's so desperately trying to forget. 

"I watched them." Kakashi adds. "Teamwork will be difficult, I imagine. They're... they're so much like them. Like us."

Iruka can only imagine what it's like for Kakashi to have a team assigned with not only Minato's son but also Itachi's brother, as if the eye weren't a painful constant reminder of what happened anyway. He could have refused, of course, but who refuses the Hokage? And not only that, Kakashi is too stubborn for that, adamant to not show a trace of weakness. In all honesty Iruka isn't particularly thrilled Naruto is supposed to be in his team either. He knows he's not supposed to play favorites among students but Naruto is special and Kakashi is... well, himself. 

A capable shinobi but completely free of talent when it comes to teaching and he wonders who decided to let a man known to read erotica in public with an affinity for liquor be an instructor for genin in the first place. Furthermore there's not a single team Kakashi ever passed. Iruka trusts Naruto's skill but he's a little hot headed and knowing both Sasuke and Sakura as well as the true purpose of the test, he has his doubts. 

Iruka rests his head on Kakashi's shoulder, still not letting him go. "They're good people then. Nice kids." he says as if he doesn't know that, as if he hasn't been their teacher for such a long time. 

And Kakashi tilts his head so it's leaning against Iruka's and for a moment he doesn't say anything. "I find it worrying." His voice is barely audible. "I know you're fond of the fox kid but I can't promise to let them pass."

"I didn't ask you to pass them, did I?" Even though he has thought about it, even though he actually really wants to, he knows it's not only unprofessional but also unfair for the other kids. Yet he really wants them to pass, he knows how hard they worked for it. "But maybe you are a little strict."

"I'm not."

Iruka rolls his eyes but doesn't say anything, he lets it go because he doesn't want to fight. He lets himself fall back down and pulls Kakashi with him and to his surprise the other Shinobi doesn't even resist. And suddenly Iruka is hit with a wave of exhaustion and he's beginning to have a really hard time staying awake. "When they pass I will sleep well knowing you are taking care of them. You will." the teacher mumbles and finally lets himself shut his eyes. His arms are still wrapped around Kakashi and he doesn't plan on letting him go. Never let him go again. And he finally drifts off, listening to the steady sound of Kakashi's breathing right there next to him. 

But when Iruka wakes up again in the morning, the thing he notices right after the throbbing headache paired with some intense nausea is that his bed isn't horribly empty and cold as usual. No, it's warm and he's not alone so he pries his eyes open only to be face to face with none other than Kakashi. Something is off, a lot of things are off considering Kakashi usually does not stay this long but it takes him a few moments to realize that the mask is down again. Maybe it slid down while he was asleep? Kakashi certainly wouldn't let himself willingly be this vulnerable would he? The teacher almost feels bad for staring, feels as if he's not supposed to see this but he just can't help himself because not only is Kakashi a stunning man but he can actually admire him in half decent lighting for once. 

He almost suffers from a heart attack when Kakashi suddenly opens his eyes. "You wanted to see it properly didn't you?" Kakashi grins, then looks down a little shyly, not used to being exposed like this in a long time. In all honesty it's one of the most adorable things Iruka has ever seen. 

"Still pretty." Iruka mumbles and covers his face with his hands. It's too bright and his head feels like it's about to explode and as if that isn't enough, he feels all kinds of fuzzy inside because Kakashi is still there. Kakashi stayed, he stayed the whole night, right beside him which is something new entirely. He doesn't quite know what to do now, how to react to such thing but before he has to worry about it any further he feels Kakashi shift besides him. 

Iruka lowers his hands and watches as Kakashi sits up as if he's not affected by the hangover at all which he finds slightly concerning. Kakashi stretches and the teacher's eyes are practically glued to the sight in front of him, muscles moving in the early morning sunlight. After what feels like an eternity, Kakashi finally stands up and begins snatching his clothes from the floor only to let them drop when he realizes that Iruka hasn't even started to get up yet. 

He turns around and comes to stand in front of the bed, still gloriously naked and not caring about it whatsoever. "Come on. Get up, I'd hate to see you mess with your teaching duty because of me." he teases and crosses his arms. 

"No." Iruka pulls up his blanket and throws his head back dramatically. He regrets it immediately, feels like he's about to throw up. "Can't you see I'm suffering?" 

Kakashi rolls his eyes and Iruka is still not quite used to the sight infront of him when the silver haired shinobi bends down and reaches out for Iruka, waiting for the other man to grab his hands. Iruka takes a hold of them with a theatrical sigh and Kakashi starts pulling him up. "You stayed." Iruka notes then, stating the very obvious. 

But he fears he's gone too far again right away when Kakashi looks down and exhales slowly. "Don't get used to it." 

"I won't." Iruka tells him drily. "I know you better than that." It comes out a bit harsher than he intended it to be, almost like an accusation but he doesn't take it back either. He doesn't want to be but he's slightly bitter about it. 

Kakashi pretends he hasn't heard it and ignores the statement completely "I know how to ease the headache." The other Shinobi smirks instead when Iruka finds himself in a stading position with Kakashi still holding his hands tightly. He attempts to blow a stand of hair falling to his face away but it doesn't work and he reminds himself to tie his hair up again, it's too annoying like this, all open and falling to his shoulders. 

"Oh do you now?"

"Trust me." And Kakashi drags him to the shower. 

-

Once they're both dressed up and surprisingly not late, they leave together for once and Iruka feels much better than usual when he locks the door being him the morning after he spent a night with Kakashi. Because this time he's not alone. And somehow he feels like he won't be as often anymore either. They walk side by side for a bit wordlessly till Kakashi suddenly takes off in a different direction. It's not the direction he's supposed to go, not the direction of the academy to meet the new team but Iruka knows where he's going anyway and he's not surprised. 

Kakashi always visits them when he's in Konoha. There's a lot to tell them, Iruka figures and hopes that maybe things have finally changed between the two of them. He walks into the academy with a big smile on his face despite the headache Kakashi only managed to ease a little with that beautiful mouth of his. 

_


End file.
